10 Life Lessons from a 40+ yr perspective

Every day is a new day to incorporate change

Your everyday life is in constant flux whether you realize it or not. Today is not the same as yesterday nor will it be the same tomorrow which is why I believe the Bible tells you not to worry about tomorrow but focus on today. Today, right now will be enough for you to handle at any given time so don’t rush tomorrow just deal with the challenges of today.

I know everyone has their views on life lessons and potentially they are unique to each individual. However, each situation should be viewed from an objective point of view instead of a personal point of view. Why objective… because as long as you are able to be objective you are able to take yourself outside of the equation and see the possible solutions. When you are involved so personally, you are emotional and unable to think clearly. So here are a few life lessons I have learned thus far:

You can’t change anyone,

One individual can’t and will not change another. Change only occurs if and when the person wants to and not before. We as women sometime think that we can change the man once we get him. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! You can’t fix people. You can support them, encourage them and love them but Not Fix or Change them.

Life gives you red flags along the way,

I believe you are given warning signs in life. However, we may not see them because we are focused on the particular thing or person that you want or you may be viewing the situation from a fantasy point of view. You are seeing only what you desire and not what is. Yes, we have to be detectives in our own lives.

Only you can make you happy,

No one and I mean No one can make you happy! Once you learn this, your life gets easier. Only you have the power to control your happiness. You may feel that your happiness is determined by having things or being with people. But have you noticed once you purchase that item or get with that person you still have bouts of depression once the “newness”?  When you realize that it is your determination and decision to be happy and yours alone, you are able to find happiness in all situations and not just some of them. If or when your happiness is determined by someone or something you will always be in a constant flux of happiness and unhappiness.

Your child(ren) are not your property,

The child or children you have are not your property. They are individual people with their own personalities. It is the parent’s responsibility to guide, love, provide and teach to the best of your knowledge. Yes, you love them and you may be self-sacrificing for them in some or in a lot of cases but by no means does it mean that you are thier owner. When you are able to see your child or children as individuals you are in a better place to give them what they need the most.

I have learned that each child comes with his/her own personality and no two personalities are the same. What one child needs another may not so deal with them on an individual basis and they will blossom into the wonderful and unique people to live out their personal destines.

Nothing remains the same so change with it

Life is ever changing and you must change with it. What may start today may not have a place in tomorrow. It is my belief that when you are unwilling to change you are not allowing growth. If the planet we live on is a living organism where life is produced and later dies then we must view our everyday lives accordingly.

No, I am not saying that everything dies because who wants a love that dies? But what I am saying is you must allow growth into your point of view. If a thing or person does not grow then it will surely die. So to enable it to constantly live, it must grow, it must expand, it must change; just change with it.

Love yourself

If you are unable to love yourself, how is it possible for someone else to love you? No one can give you the love you desire if you don’t first give it to yourself.

It is my belief that another person can only give you what you are willing to give yourself. You must know what love looks and feels like before you can expect from someone else. It has to be what you are able to give yourself. Because if it is based upon someone else you may not receive what you expect only what they view as love and this may not always be the best example.

Someone else may view love as controlling, dominating and manipulation for them to be comfortable. This may not be your view of love. If you get with an individual that view love in this way and you don’t know how to love yourself, you may accept this behavior as being love when it is abuse.

Love is not abuse, control or manipulation. Love is giving, concern, acceptance, understanding, support, at times sacrifice, respect, forgiveness, and sharing as well as so many other wonderful things.

People are not perfect

No one is perfect! Man is not perfect! It is ridiculous for us to believe that people do not make mistakes. When that mistake is made, accept it and move on. If it is an unforgettable act still forgive the act and move on. By you realizing that people are not perfect it allows you to see the humanness of situations and see their imperfections. The imperfection causes you to take the person off the pedestal and become realistic about who they are and what they do.

Take responsibility for your life

When you take responsibility for your life you are in control. However, when you blame others for your circumstances it takes control from you. Yes there are circumstances and situations that happen in our life that we feel are unfair and wonder why me. Besides being born a certain way and into a certain family, we must take responsibility for our decisions and the consequences from those decisions.

Once I accepted responsibility for picking my ex-husband and it not working out, I realized that there were actions and characteristics that I did not pay attention too. But when I thought about it, I realize I had many “red flags” along the way that I just let pass. When you are able to acknowledge responsibility you are able to take control.

Make a decision and choose

You must play an active part in your life. Make decisions! Consequently, have you thought that when you do not actively make a decision that you have made a decision of non-action and whatever is left becomes your decision of choice and someone else has made a choice for you? So make a decision to do or not to do.

When this first came to me I thought this point is valid. For example: when you go to a restaurant for dinner with a friend. You can’t decide what to order and the friend decides to order for you. You get the dinner that the friend chooses for you by not making a choice.

Forgive constantly

Forgiveness allows you to move on in your life. You are not condoning the act but you are forgiving the person and how it made you feel not the act that was imposed or acted upon you.

When you forgive you are saying “I forgive you but I don’t like what you did to me or how it made me feel” so I may move on in my life. Un-forgiveness holds you in a place of pain and turmoil and you remain stuck in that same place unable to move pass what has happened. Forgiveness allows the healing process to begin.

These are not by far the only lessons I value but I feel are important and the most prominent ones that I have learned thus far.

About nextphasemom

I am a married mother of 2 college age children. Now that my children are grown attending college and working I find myself lost and wondering what to do with myself. In my loneliness I thought I would do what I love and that is write. Now that I am at retirement status I look forward to creating the next phase of my life. To start I am expressing myself through writing. It has always been relaxing for me so I thought I would share some of my thoughts. I am also a self-help fanatic and I try to live an inspired life daily. On occasion I am able to encourage and inspire those around me in a no nonsense way. For those that know me know that when you ask me for my opinion that you will get "the truth"; they know that if you don't want "the truth" don't ask me. No....I am not rude or abusive. I just point out ideas or points of interest that they have not considered or don't want to accept. A lot of my friends call me "the counselor". No..I am not a certified professional counselor but I love psychology. My degree background is business and I am employed in Customer Service. So talking to people on a regular basis is what I do to assist them in finding solutions. Well that is enough about me for now....to be continued because I am ever changing. Take your time to look around and please leave a comment so I will know that you stopped by...until then.
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8 Responses to 10 Life Lessons from a 40+ yr perspective

  1. coastalmom says:

    I have promised myself that I would not spend time here until I finished my book… but… Oh my gosh!!! I just had to stop by and say thank you for stopping by my blog. It started out if you look back, all about my empty nest… after over 100 posts, I have progressed a bit and lived my own life… sometimes to my demise but none the less… have found a voice and place to stand all of my own! As well as make myself stay focused and write which has always been on my bucket list to do seriously!!! So I found myself here…
    Your writing is wonderful and this post was just what I needed… I even sent your link to a friend who hopefully can ream some wisdom from your wonderful heart! Thanks for stopping by so I could find you!

    • nextphasemom says:

      Costalmom! Wow! Thanks for such a sweet comment.
      100 posts….wow I am in awe of you. Hopefully I will be able to post as many.
      I am glad that I had something to share that you deemed inspiring and I hoped your friend likes the post as well.
      Thanks for leaving such a thoughtful comment.

  2. coastalmom says:

    Not sure what happened… my comment got lost somewhere in cyber space… sending this as a tester to see if it shows up before I send again…

  3. I simply had to appreciate you again. I do not know the things I would have followed in the absence of the entire tactics shown by you concerning that situation. It was before the daunting situation in my opinion, however , observing the very specialised manner you dealt with that forced me to cry for gladness. I will be happier for your information and pray you find out what an amazing job you are always getting into instructing others via a site. I know that you’ve never come across any of us.

    • nextphasemom says:

      Thanks so much! Your comment is greatly appreciated.
      While I know that I have not personally come across those that may read my posts. However, I enjoy the opportunity to be apart of a community that takes the time to read my “ramblings” and to leave a comment.

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  5. grndmachris says:

    Loved this post, I’m trying to catch up on my reading and your blog is a fantastic place to start.

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