Moms Can have it All!

multitaskingI am a mother and have been told on occasion that mothers cannot have it all. I had been told that “it is a mother’s job to take care of her family, to put her family first”. For many years, that was my pattern until I realized that if I didn’t do some of the things I wanted to do with my life that I could not be the “best mom” for my then young children. So I began to contemplate what does having it all mean to me? Once I answered this question, I knew that I could have it all and I did have it all.

Having it all, what does that mean to you?

This has to be put into perspective before determining if you as a mom can have it all. Having it all does it mean: having the career, husband, finances, or the perfect home? All of these could define having it all for some and for others it may mean nothing. So before you can have it all, let’s clarify a few points:

  • First determine what it is that you want
  • Maintain a  balance
  • Make the unexpected your friend
  • Don’t be afraid to seek out assistance
  • Enjoy the process

It is my belief that having it all is not a destination that a mother reaches but a process that she goes through while taking care of everyone else without neglecting herself.

Back to the points mentioned, determine what you want. This can be a deal breaker for some mothers. You may ask why? Well, because a lot of mothers may not have taken the time to determine exactly what it is she wants out of life. The children may have come at an unplanned time or maybe during a transition when her values are changing. So first things first, determine what you want out of life. It does not matter if your ideals have changed, or if you are going through a divorce. You must decide what it is that you want out of your life before you can go get it.

A mother should maintain a balance in her life. As a mother you should understand imagesCABWPITCthat you cannot be everything to everyone. By maintaining a balance you are not only taking care of your family but yourself as well. No, you are not being selfish if you want and need a little alone or me time. Get a baby sitter; participate in mother’s day out, or whoever is available that you trust to care for your child(ren) when needed. You deserve a ‘girl’s night out’ or ‘date night’ with the husband or significant other.

It is important for a mother to take time out for herself.

When you take time out for yourself you become rejuvenated. This is important when your time is in constant demand from your family.

A mother should make the unexpected her friend. It is my belief, when you are attached to outcomes you are eliminating possibilities. When you as a mother are working toward a certain goal or opportunity, it may not always be possible for you to achieve the goal or level of success in the manner you are expecting. Something totally unforeseen may happen as being a mother always does, such as your child could become ill, or an unpredicted activity for your child could come up and you have to be there. There is any number of situations that may occur that could cause you not to achieve a desired result in the manner you wished or at the time you anticipated. However, the success or outcome could happen from a totally startling result or source that was not potentially realized at first.

I have learned not to be attached to certain outcomes. With this mindset I am able to always move forward whenever or however opportunities may unfold for me and my family.

A mother should not be afraid to seek assistance if needed. This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I have always been the “independent” type. If I had to ask for help, I felt weak and irresponsible because I thought I should do it “all” myself for one. For two, I did not trust anyone else to do what I needed for various reasons. So this was a BIG step for me, to ask for help. But once, I realized that I could not do it all alone and at times I did need help, I would reach out and ask my circle of friends or family for assistance. By asking for assistance, it taught me two things, I don’t have to be “super-mom” and I can trust others to help me when I needed it most.

Now asking for assistance or guidance has become my ritual but in a different manner. I pray and meditate for daily guidance. This assistance has never failed me and it can always be trusted.

imagesCACFCGMQA mother should enjoy the process. Enjoying the process, what does that mean? Well, it means to pay attention to what is going on in your life everyday while you as a mother are striving to achieve your personal goal(s). You should not miss the school play, performance or activity because of what you are trying to achieve. Yes, you may have to pull an all-nighter to get that project done for the next day to attend our child’s event. But just know whatever sacrifice you may make it is beneficial in your child’s eyes.  As my husband always said to me “they will not be young forever” so enjoy the small moments because you will not get them back. As time continues you will find that the process made your journey “to having it all” worthwhile.

So what is “having it all”?

For me, it means having a Happy Family! If my family is happy, what more can I ask for?

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About nextphasemom

I am a married mother of 2 college age children. Now that my children are grown attending college and working I find myself lost and wondering what to do with myself. In my loneliness I thought I would do what I love and that is write. Now that I am at retirement status I look forward to creating the next phase of my life. To start I am expressing myself through writing. It has always been relaxing for me so I thought I would share some of my thoughts. I am also a self-help fanatic and I try to live an inspired life daily. On occasion I am able to encourage and inspire those around me in a no nonsense way. For those that know me know that when you ask me for my opinion that you will get "the truth"; they know that if you don't want "the truth" don't ask me. No....I am not rude or abusive. I just point out ideas or points of interest that they have not considered or don't want to accept. A lot of my friends call me "the counselor". No..I am not a certified professional counselor but I love psychology. My degree background is business and I am employed in Customer Service. So talking to people on a regular basis is what I do to assist them in finding solutions. Well that is enough about me for now....to be continued because I am ever changing. Take your time to look around and please leave a comment so I will know that you stopped by...until then.
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